In Which I Cheat

I was raised to be a from-scratch cook. My mom did everything herself and only in her later years acquiesced to making dinner such as frozen popcorn shrimp, chicken bites and tater-tots (which she still deep-fried herself.) Thus I feel I have to confess that I cheated. *ghasp* I used jarred pesto. This will be brought up in my next confession. Just kidding!!! Using jarred pesto is NOT a sin but there is a potential that buying the horrifying looking off-season basil that our Meijer had would have been. Hence the choice of pre-made stuff. Why the choice of pesto in the first place is kind of an interesting story. Have you been pregnant? Maybe? Okay well, during my pregnancy I have had totes bizzaro dreams in which I say stuff like "totes bizzaro." Recently they mostly have to do with 1. food 2. which I am able to look at, touch and smell but not eat. Usually I wake up whimpering, half due to hunger and half due to the fact that it's 9:00am and Noodles and Company isn't serving pesto cavattapi yet. Because, yes I dreamed about pesto cavatappi. With extra Parmesan nonetheless. WHICH I COULD NOT EAT.

So anyway, I got up and went about my day, still thinking about pesto... and on my way home from watching the world's most precocious twin three-year-olds I made my second grocery store run this week to get the ingredients for the (literal) dream pesto pasta.


Pesto a la Dream

• 8 oz dry pasta
• 8 oz salad shrimp, thawed
• 1 bunch broccoli
• 6-8 mushrooms
• 1/2 pint grape tomatoes
• 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 5 oz jar pesto
• Parmesan cheese
• salt and pepper

So I have to use non-glutenous pasta for the sake of my hubsband. This is our favorite brand.

I realized as I was adding this that I didn't photograph the brand name. Which is Gludenfloofenbaums or something like that. Alls I know is that it doesn't contain corn and therefore isn't gummy. Anywho, go ahead and boil your pasta for about a minute less than it says to on the package or else it will turn to mush when you saute it. I would recommend cuts but you can go ahead and try longer pasta.

Nexty I want you to chop up your vegetables like this. First, tiny broccoli!! Why is it that there is never enough broccoli? I cut this up suuuuper tiny but you don't have to be as crazy as me. Normal pieces are fine.

For this recipe I used crimini mushrooms, which grocery stores have decided to call "baby bellas" for fear of actually educating the public, but white buttons work just as well.

Cut off the stems flush with the cap, cut in half and then in 1/4 inch slices. Next slice your grape tomatoes in half. If you are cool like this guy I worked with at the Jolly Pumpkin you can just put your hand flat on top of all of them and slice 'em all simultaneously but if you, like me, are not cool, value your fingers and really don't want to try and distinguish between tomato juice and blood, cut them one at a time.

Oo! Look! A pretty bowl of veggies!!

From this point on it's pretty much just a procedure. Heat up a nice, big saute pan pretty hot with a tbsp or so of oil. Add the veggies first and saute about a minute. Throw in the pasta and shrimp and let heat thouroughly thuroughly toroughly all the way before you throw in the whipping cream. This is a trick I stole from Noodles and Company while I was working there in college. Make sure everything is fully coated with the cream before adding the pesto and it will stick sooo much better. Add a little salt and pepper to taste. Plate it up, garnish with Parmesan and you are ready to eat!!

This goes nicely with a dryer white wine. I forgot to take pictures of the finished product so I guess you don't get to see it. Oh well. Mine didn't look that pretty anyway because the GF noodles sorta fell apart. Buon appetito!

Much love, Tirienne

Mediterranean Chicken

Okay so first I want to say thank you to my sweet, sweet husband, Jeff for remembering he had a little point and shoot camera which takes waaayyy better photos than my phone so I can actually show you guys what I've been cooking instead of just leading you on as I did in the last post, making you think that there were photos to see (which there weren't, sorry!)

Secondly, I want to introduce to you the star of our show- dill!

 Isn't it beautiful in sort of a Christmas tree-like way? Also, it smells amazingly good. Mmm... I think a whole huge bunch of it cost me like a dollar? So I used it twice this week, once with chicken and once with fish. I don't mean to be the kind of person who gushes about an herb but... dill is pretty awesome. It's a subtle yet fresh flavor that shows its personality but doesn't have to take over the dish. An all-around good girl, you might say. Let me tell you about the chicken.

Mediterranean Chicken (With Rice!)

• 1 medium-large onion, thinly sliced whole
• 3 tbsp plain hummus
• 1 small/medium carrot
• 12 green olives
• 3 chicken tenderloins (or two chicken breasts, cut in half) 
• 1 tbsp veg oil
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• 2 cups minus 2 tbsp water 
• 1 cup rice
• 2 tbsp butter

Spice Mixture

• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp oregano
• 1/4 tsp sage
• 1/4 tsp rosemary
• 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper 
• 2 tbsp fresh dill, finely chopped* (about 4-5 sprigs, minus stems)

OMGoodness. This was such a yummy dinner. Fo' serious. Okay so anyway! First thingys first. Why don't you go ahead and make up that spice mixture in a little bowl. Now, I want you to smell it. SMELL ITTT. Ahhh. Slice your onion whole and set it aside. Next, peel your carrot and roughly chop the carrot and olives together. Mix them into the hummus. Looks weird doesn't it?

But it tastes so delicious!! Next, set the two cups (minus two tbsp) of water and the lemon juice boiling in a small sauce pan. Start heating the veg oil on med-low in a medium saute pan and rub down your chicken with half or so of the spice mixture. When your water boils, throw in that rice and cook according to the directions on the bag because I don't have time to tell you how to cook rice. Is your saute pan hot? Good! Cook that chicken.

Half-raw chicken! DELICIOUS! Just kidding. You have to flip it. When your meat is done through, set it aside for a second. Add a schmidgen more oil and heat the pan up hot. It's ready, add in your previously sliced onions and saute them in that brown goodness that the chicken made. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!! Aren't they beautiful? I do love brown onions. Turn off yo' heat and put the chicken back in with the onions to warm up. Did you just hear a timer or something? Your rice is done, stir in the rest of the spice mixture and the 2 tbsp of butter. My mouth is watering at the memory. Oh dear goodness. Now, I would like you to compose your plate like this.

Mmm. Just remembering the cool, saltiness of the hummus mixture against the hot chicken is enough to make me drool. Not the mention the gorgeously buttery rice or the deeply flavorful onions. God is awesome to have made food so delicious.

Please note: If you're some sort of hippie foodie who would prefer brown rice, this isn't the blog for you. Go get your fiber fix elsewhere. Much love, Tirienne


*This is how one "chops" dill, by the way. (Oh, and PLEASE don't tell my CUL 101 teacher. If she were dead she would be rolling in her grave and I don't even want to imagine what she would do to me if she found out while she's still alive. Because we all know that the only proper way to chop fresh herbs is with an extremely sharp French knife! :))

In Which We Eat Tacos

So, something about being an off-the-cuff cook like I am is that sometimes you forget about whole categories of food. Which is sad because you go for months and months without eating Tex-Mex food. But then it's happy when you actually make Tex-Mex food and see the look on your husband's face like "YOU MADE TACOS!!!?!" Yes. I did. And what's more, I didn't screw it up. :)


Delicioso Chorizo Tacos 

• 1 large onion
• 2 tsp mild or medium chili powder
• 1 tsp hot chili powder
• 1 lb finest of on sale chorizo
• 1/2 head lettuce, finely chopped
• 6-8 corn tortillas
• The toppings you have in your fridge/cupboard/pantry like such as this photo. Yes, we really do have that many hot sauces.

First of all, you're gonna need to chop that onion pretty fine. Then heat a medium/large saute pan to lightly saute the onion. Next thing, I'm gonna confuse y'all by having you add the chili powders which I know is what you usually do at the end of making taco meat but just trust me on this one. Once the onion is nicely coated with chili powder and stinging your nostrils appropriately, add your chorizo in. The most important thing about chorizo is getting it crispy. This is not chewy sausage meat, darn it, this is CHORIZO!

Don't be fooled by this picture, this is only about halfway crisped. It should look dark, dark brown. Because (say it with me) we all know brown things taste good!! While the meat is sizzly crisping, chop up your lettuce all nice and pretty for the table. Next heat up a small saute pan to a medium-high heat. DO YOU HAVE BACON GREASE?! I forgot to mention you might want bacon grease. If you don't have bacon grease, I'm so, so sorry because, I mean, you don't have bacon grease, but also because it won't quite taste as yummy. :( Boo. Anyway, while the pan is heating add a small amount of bacon grease, about 1/4 tsp and let it settle in the pan and then throw one of the tortillas in and let it heat and brown a little, about 45 seconds, then flip it and do the same on the other side. Repeat the bacon grease/brown/flip method for all of the tortillas. Once you finish this process, drain your chorizo grease and take everything to the table cause it's eatin' time!

P.S. Any leftover meat makes EXCELLENT nachos!

Failure is Relevant. Let's Eat Hummus.

Okay, so I have made some pretty good meals in my day. Day in, day out I pretty much pull it off. But recently. Oh. Boy. Have I been stinking it up or what. Lets see, shall we review my recent soup- Mustard Parmesan Potato? Or should we talk about how badly I failed at making gluten-free chicken strips? Perhaps we shall revisit the garlic ginger (overcooked) lentil dish with brussel sprouts (trust me, brussel sprouts that melt in your mouth like butter aren't actually all that pleasant.) Most days I end up leaning my head against the fridge door, whimpering a little puppy before I decide that frozen french fries and baked fish or chicken will do. I haven't even been bothering to put toppings on our salads, low point. So today, I will shove forth into the interweb a tried and true recipe that has never once failed me- hummus (hommus? humus?)

Tirienne's Hummus

1 can chickpeas (15oz)
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 tbsp olive oil
1/3 cup tahini- WELL MIXED

Okay, so I'm like super spoiled and have a Vitamix to do this with but a food processor or blender will work just as well. So, open your chicky peas (aren't they cute?) and pour the whole can including liquid into your appliance. Start at a low speed and increase it until the chickpeas are perfectly smooth. Do you like how I just gave you the secret to smooth hummus? I bet you didn't even realize what was happening. You're welcome. Next, add all your spices and blend for a minute more until they are incorporated. Oh by the way, you're not going to give me any crap for using garlic powder instead of fresh garlic. Nope. I am a pre-fessional and I do what I want. Plus, fresh garlic in something like this tastes like metallic overwhelming scariness. And being real for a minute, nobody has time or energy to roast garlic. *steps off soap box* Once the spices are nicely incorporated, stop your machine and add the oil and tahini. Mix just until blended or else you're gonna get some weird granular thing going on. Not sure why, it just happens. Enjoy with fresh vegetables and chips of any sort, even potato chips! Also, if you live in a house with someone who vacuums up hummus like my husband does, go ahead and double the recipe. ;)

Cheers!

Edit 8/26/15- We have found that the chickpea "juice" adds a funny flavor so instead, rinse the beans thoroughly and add back in fresh water to the point where the liquid was before.

You Can Tune a Piano

No, seriously. I am really bad at cooking fish. Like atrociously bad. It is either under cooked, or jerky. One of the two. That is why I was surprised to find how easy hake fish was to cook. (Okay so the bag doesn't say "Hake Fish" it says "Pacific Whiting." Whatever, people. It's hake. Just like canola oil is actually rapeseed oil and canned "tuna" is horse mackerel. Yes, horse mackerel. Deal with it.) The secret to my success? Broiling! Six months ago I was making gooey swai and tacky salmon- tacky as in when you chew it- but now! Voila!

Perfectly tender, juicy sweet hake on a bed of wilted romaine smothered in a sweet orange butter sauce and sauteed onions. Oh my gosh my mouth is watering at the memory. Also, not to pat my own back but when I showed my mother-in-law this photo she said "Oh! Where did you guys go to dinner?" *shines nails on shirt* I felt pretty cool.

Broiled Hake with Sweet Orange Butter Sauce

• 1 fillet of hake per person, thawed
• 1/2 onion per person, thinly sliced
• 1/2 heart romaine per person, cut bite size
• 1-2 large navel oranges, cut into wedges 
• salt and pepper

Sauce*:

• 4 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp spicy brown mustard
• zest of 1/2 orange
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• salt and pepper to taste

Schfirst. Ve need to make ze sauce. (Which I maybe should have listed first? Oh well.) Melt the butter in a small sauce pan but don't let it brown. Then add everything else and let it sit there on low until you're ready to serve the fish. Turn on your broiler to ...? High? My broiler only has one setting so I guess do what you feel comfortable with. Next whack your onion in half, peel it and slice it thinly lengthwise- about 1/8th inch slices. Heat a saute pan with a little oil to a medium high. Saute away. Mmm delicious! Get them as brown as you want them because we all know that brown things taste good. Set aside. Now is the time to pan up your hake, douse with a little salt and pepper and shove it under the broiler! Set a timer for about 4-6 minutes depending on the thickness of your fillets. Now, quickly heat up that saute pan again to a medium high heat and add more oil. Once the pan is hot add your lettuce and wilt it for about a minute. Put that on some plates! Good! Once your hake timer goes off check to make sure it is cooked through. Is it? Great. Use a stiff spatula to transfer the fish on top of the lettuce. Add the onions to the plate and carefully spoon butter sauce over the whole lot. Garnish with orange wedges and enjoy!

*It is amazingly better if you can make the sauce ahead of time by at least 24 hours to let the flavors meld and get all dreamy. Also, if you have more than three people, you might want to consider doubling the sauce.

Gluten-Free Bacon Salmon Chowder...

So this most ridiculous thing happened. I found out that my husband likes, nay, LOVES soup. Extremely handy seeing as his body increasingly hates gluten and most soups are GF. Sweet! When I make a pot of steamy goodness he usually eats at least two bowls. Considering he has the physique of a 2x4 whenever I can get him to eat, I thoroughly enjoy it. Me: "You're eating!" Him: "Yup..." (looks self-consciously at what he's eating) "You don't have to watch me eat EVERY TIME you know." Oh but I do, honey. Oh but I do. Anywhom I made this spur-of-the-moment Sunday night and he has already eaten three bowls of it. Yay! Happy wife. It goes like this;


Gluten-Free* Bacon Salmon Chowder

• 1lb bacon, chopped
• 2 medium onions, small dice
• 1 large clove garlic, minced
• 6-8 small redskin potatoes, small dice
• 2 tsp parsley
• 1/2 tsp sage
• 1/4 tsp dill weed
• 32 oz (4 cups, one carton) seafood stock
• 4 oz  (1/2 cup) dry white wine
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
•  8oz (1 cup) heavy whipping cream
• 1 lb salmon, small dice
• salt and pepper to taste

Get a nice big soup pot, hopefully a thick bottomed one because burning bacon is a sin, and crisp your bacon to however you like it over medium heat. Whilst the bacon is cooking, chop your onions and potatoes and mince (or press) your garlic. Use a slotted spoon to remove the sweet bacon goodness and set it to cool and drain on some paper towel. Immediately add the onion to the hot bacon grease. Yes, all the bacon grease. No one has ever accused my food of being low-fat and I'm not about to let them start now. Once the onions are translucent add the potatoes and garlic. Let that all cook down until your potatoes are starting to look a little translucent on the edges. Next add in all your spices- parsley, sage, dill weed and a bit of pepper. Wait a minute. Do you smell that? Delicious herbs and spices wafting all over your kitchen? Great! Now it's time to add the seafood stock, white wine and lemon juice! Wow! Turn up the heat so that this comes to a gentle simmer. Simmer the veggies for about 10 minutes or until the potatoes are mostly tender to the bite. Turn the heat down to a medium low and add the whipping cream and salmon. Now listen, this is important. DO NOT LET THIS BOIL. Otherwise you're going to have a sad, weeping, broken soup on your hands and you just don't have time to deal with the emotional mess. It's true. The salmon should be cooked through in about five minutes. Add about a gallon of salt (or like two or so teaspoons) and some more pepper. Taste it, all good chefs do, does it taste right? Are you one of those who adds hot sauce to everything? Then do that! I don't care! I basically just made this recipe up anyway. Buon appetito!


*A few notes about gluten-free... you're the one who makes this gluten-free by checking the labels on everything you buy (bacon, seafood stock, etc.) and ensuring everything is gluten-free. Also, especially if you are making this for someone with a true gluten allergy be sure that your kitchen and work surfaces are clean as well. You don't want to go making someone sick. I've seen it and it's not pretty. Happy cooking!
  

Nutlicious Oat Cookies

This was an attempt at Gluten-Free baking. You see, my husband is allergic to gluten and, well, I bake. So hence the Gluten-Free baking. This was also an attempt to distract myself from the fact that I’ve been sick for four weeks and currently have a 99.5 temp. Don’t ask me how baking does that. Let’s just say I’d rather be baking and saying “Boo hoo, poor me.” than sitting on the couch saying it.

Back to the recipe.

You will need:

1 heaping cup oats (or 1 cup GF oat flour)

1 and 1/4 cups blanched whole almonds (or 1 cup almond flour)

1/2 cup cocoa powder

2 eggs plus one white, beaten

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup Nutella

1/3 cup chunky peanut butter

Salt (roughly 1/2 tsp)

sugar for rolling (optional)

(Wait. I forgot to ask you if you even want to make this recipe?? Do you??)

Okay so here’s the thing. You’ll notice one thing is missing from this recipe- sugar. Now, before you get all up in arms defending your right to eat sugar let me say this was a scientifically thought out choice. Lemme ‘splain. Sugar, despite its solid-looking form is actually ...don don DOOONNNN!!! A shortener. *ghasp!* yes, it’s presence in traditional baked goods serves to shorten the gluten strands. So, I thought “Gluten-Free...sugar shortens the non-existent gluten...maybe that’s why all my GF goodies have looked kinda funny.” So I had a BRILLIANT IDEA (about 15 minutes too late for me, but soon enough for you) you can just put the sugar on the OUTSIDE!!! It’s genius!!

Pre-heat joo oven to 325. Cool. Line 1-3 pans with parchment, depending on how much mess you want to clean up. Or how much time you want to save. The fate of the world is hanging in the balance as you make this choice.

Aaaanyway. So first things. You’ve gotta pulverize your oats and almonds, that is if you’re not fancy enough to own oat and almond flours... fancy people... I used our Vitamix but I bet your food processor or blender would work great. First pulverize the oats, pour them into the bowl you’re going to mix in (NO KitchenAid mixers people, air practically kills these cookies) and then do the almonds. Be careful not to over do it with the almonds, you don’t wanna be making the start of no marzipan. Come to think of it, I wonder if you could do both the oats and almonds at the same time? Someone try it and tell me how it turns out. When that’s all good and ground up chuck that in the bowl, too.

Next you mix the cocoa powder into the flours. Oo! It looks so pretty. Add your eggs making sure the mixture gets evenly moist. Now the wanilla...smell so yummy... Okay. So, at this point I will confess- I have been winging this entire thing. Yup. Okay. I wasn’t really sure how much fat/moistener this was going to need so I started by adding 1/2 cup Nutella (you can’t really go wrong, can you??) and then realized it needed more moisture. I stood wide-eyed in the middle of the kitchen floor for an entire minute, half of my body pulling toward the fridge and half toward the pantry. Traditional baking would have me add milk (okay, I would add cream) but my new-found Gluten-Free baking skills were flashing red and screaming “WARNING! WARNING! DANGER OF RECIPE FAILURE, DANGER OF RECIPE FAILURE!” A little out of breath, I added a third of a cup of peanut butter. Whew, saved.

Oh yes, also put some salt. And then put your back into it!! Get all of that glue-y, Nutella-y, peanut butter-y goodness mixed up.  Mmm, mmm. If it’s still dry add a smidgen more Nutella. ;)

Okay! So now pick up dough sized ball (tablespoon? two tablespoons? 1 oz? idk?) and roll it into a ball and then, a la your mother’s molasses cookies, roll it in sugar!! Whoohoo!! If you’re going for more of a breakfast cookie leave the sugar off. I will not judge. Put 12 balls to a sheet (makes roughly 2.5 doz) and flatten them a with your fingers or a fork until they’re about 1/3 inch thick

Now for the baking. Put them in the oven for about 6-8 minutes. They will look a little wet in the middle but this is good. Pull out, LET FULLY COOL. I don’t know if I said that loud enough...LET THE STINKING COOKIES COOL ALL THE WAY!! YOU’RE JUST GOING TO BURN YOUR FACE AND HAVE CRUMBLIES ALL OVER YOU!! Was that loud enough? I dunno...  ENJOY!!!

Also, Note: If you’re going to get creative and put fancy sugar on your cookies, okay chocolate, if you’re going to put chocolate on your cookies when they come out of the oven so it gets all melty and drools down the sides make sure you’re using not “Vanilla Chips” they don’t melt. In fact, upon further inspection of the label, “Vanilla Chips” are pretty much on par with margarine in my book. And you don’t want me to get started about margarine...  My bag of “Vanilla Chips” now resides in the garbage can.